GRE Issue AWA (Please provide feedbacks/rating - Thank you)

[Chester Marsh]

People should question the rules of authority as opposed to accepting them passively.

 

 

The ongoing coronavirus outbreak has caused many countries accross the world to declare lockdowns across major cities. People have lost jobs and their freedom to roam around in the open due to strict rules. Citizen have started critizing government for declaring lockdowns and closures. Many people and media have questioned and judged the decisions taken bby authorities. Do these people realize what could happen if restrictions and lockdowns are removed? The number of coronavirus cases will surge like never before and this can have worse effects than a world war. People do not understand that these decisions are taken by the government only for the wellbeing of the citizen. If people start questioning these rules, which may seem to be unfair towards them, will they government even be able to function well? The government will lose the motivation and support needed by the people if they are constantly being questioned for their decisions.

 

Not just during the pendamic, people need to understand that the governments first priority are the fellow citizen in the country. A rules passed by the government may cause a lot of people without indepth analyses to question to the decision. There will be a rise of the opposing parties to hamper the rules that were passed. People will start committing seditions and there will be undeniable turst issues with towards government. Other political parties and media may indeed take an undue advantage of this situation. All this can be avoided if we fellow citizens stop questioning the authorities and understand that no government is perfect and these decisions are taken solely for our advantage.

 

On the other hand, if authorities operate autonomously with no one questioning them can lead to unwarranted power in the hand of the authorities. There needs to be a check and audit committee in place who represent the people. There are many cases where authorities have misused their powers and passed rules for their benefit. Such an act needs questioning and strict action needs to be taken. However, the questioning need not come directly from the people but from a seperate committe in place to avoid confusion and caos.

 

Nothing in this world is perfect or fair. The rules passes by the authority may not be valid or fair for few residents. This does create a bias system and hate towards the system may develop. However, people questioning such a rule may lead to far worse consiquences like riots, petitions, etc. People should trust the government and authorities in the rules that are developed as these authorities are elected by the people and for the people.

[DonkeyBreath]

I am not an expert, only a fellow GRE test-taker.

 

The introduction seems well written, however the second to last sentence would be more convincing if it ends with a declaration, not a question especially because you are leading to your main point. I feel like you should be a little more affirmative here.

 

First body paragraph is not concise, it is extremely convoluted. There are multiply ideas, each one of which could take up their own paragraph. You bring up the government's role to its citizens, opposing parties within the government, protests, media outlets taking advantage of chaos. All of which within a few short sentences. Try to stick to one idea per paragraph, and elaborate on it.

 

The second body paragraph contradicts your thesis. You want to bring up one positive about the opposing argument, and quickly explain why it's not as important as your argument. You should not take up an entire paragraph explaining to me (the reader) why your stance is flawed.

 

The conclusion is pretty good.

 

Try to spare a few minutes for revising your essay because, as is, the essay does not flow properly due to grammatical errors. It's okay to make a few mistakes, but the amount here impedes understanding.

 

I am not an expert, but I do hope my feedback can help a little.