Hi
Here are my pointers...
Firstly, Its not very convincing!!!
In second para u kind of said it affects peoples lives
nd in third you say it doesnt. ( got lost there)
Conlusion has to be a conclusion
( Hope you get what i say. If not,the concluding para of your essay has to make it clear that you are ending it.)
Your I dea of comparing the societies kind of makes it a bit patchy.
May be an approach of Why people get into astrology , phsycic...etc... What makes them do so...and how does it affect them.. with some examples would have been better.
adios