Please evalute my first Issue task

[technocrat]

"The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large."

 

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.

 

 

 

Essay:

 

 

Many a times selfish and avarice nature of corporate and cupidity of corporations is discussed and excoriated by human right and moral activists. I don't share that view point that the desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large. Corporations have shaped the modern world and will continue to do so.

 

While corporations do take measures to increase their profit and financial muscle, these actions do not affect the public in negative way significantly. Corporations emphasize on research to bring new products or to enhance the quality of existing products, which in turn will boost the sale of their products. People of the nation actually have a benign effect of this as they have better life quality. For example, a pharmaceutical company will introduce a new brand of medicine, which is more effective than its predecessor, to increase their sale, this in turn will be salubrious for people. These profits from increased sale provide money for future research.

 

In addition, Entrepreneurs bring new ideas and change the way people live. We can look back in history for countless examples where a desire for financial welfare of an individual has made him capable to introduce something new and produce remarkable results. Not only that has gained him wealth, but completely refined the society.

 

Corporations also give financial stability to the nation. These entities provide employment to public, which in turns enhances the living index of society. Again I would like to emphasize that corporations and their need for financial strength only do good for people and society.

[triscia]

Hi! In my opinion you have some great elements but this can be improved! Keep using GRE vocabulary, that's a good start. Do make sure you eliminate minor grammar errors (which in turn - no s) and more importantly, try to develop your arguments further more! It doesn't look that complete....but it's a great start!

[technocrat]

Hi! Thanks for comprehensive analysis and valuable feedback. Agree that arguments needs to be developed more. I was planning to include some examples in 3rd paragraph to corroborate the argument, though could not do it as time ran out.

BDW how much do you evaluate(on 0-6 score) this essay. I am aiming for 4 on AWA with GRE planned for 1Sep. Do you think it is realistic to get this with practice of 3 more days?

 

 

Also i have tried an argument essay. Can you please analyze this too, cheers!

 

The following opinion was provided in a letter to the editor of a national aeronautics magazine:

 

“Manned space flight is costly and dangerous. Moreover, the recent success of a series of

unmanned space probes and satellites has demonstrated that a great deal of useful

information can be gathered without the costs and risks associated with sending men and

women into space. Therefore, we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight."

 

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument.

Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications

are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

 

 

 

Essay:

 

 

Investing more resources in unmanned space flight will help us in space exploration and understanding

of the cosmos. Author has tried to argue the advantage of unmanned space flights over manned space

flights with logic rife with holes and assumptions.

 

Author has suggested that manned space flight is costly but has not provided any data and studies to

reflect it. Maybe he has considered one special case for making that point or maybe the studies

considered for the assertion are conducted in different time and different purposes.We cannot rely on

veracity of above assumption to conclude that unmanned space flight involves less cost than manned space flight.

Also manned space flight are labeled as dangerous without any facts and studies to back it up. These assumption

makes argument very inconclusive.

 

 

In addition, efficacy of two space programs is not being compared and it is being assumed that unmanned space

flight provides same outcome as manned space flight. Can we gain same amount of information with

unmanned space flight as with the manned one? Wouldn't human intervention make it easier to

take samples, make observation and do the analysis! These question are not being discussed at all,

answers to which can change the outcome of whole argument.

 

Lastly, notion that unmanned space flight is success, is stated as a fact, when it can be a subjective

study and needs to be corroborated. How many unmanned flights were considered for the study, how many

has yielded the desired results, need to be included?

 

Dependency on unmanned space flight and investment for these programs is going to increase in future with the

advancement of artificial intelligence, but this letter does not produce a cogent argument to increase the resource in

unmanned space flight.

[triscia]

Hi, you're a solid writer and I think you can prepare in a few days but you really need to dedicate a lot of time to the test prep. But I've prepared worse things in less time.... :) Anyway, argument analysis is a bit easier in my opinion, and I think it's the same for you (it's much better)! The previous essay would get a 4, I think so if that's your goal, you should be fine, but developing your arguments a bit more certainly wouldn't hurt you, so keep practicing, you'll see how faster you get! Your second essay is a bit weaker in terms of vocabulary I think but your points are better developed. What you lack, though is the "implications" they mention in the instructions. Follow some of your questions with sentences like "in case this happens to be true, then the statement X would be severely weakened" or "should this answer be negative, then the author's claim would gain in strength ...." something like that. They are looking for that too. You could also combine this hypothetical sentences with practical examples. If you do that, your argument analysis will be excellent and reach at least a 5. (My strategy is to get a higher grade for the argument analysis in case I get a strange issue analysis, I'm not saying this is necessarily a good idea for you, but you could consider it). Hope this helped and good luck on Monday!!

[technocrat]

Triscia, thanks a lot for the review and that too surprisingly so positive. :) Well, this gives me a relief as i was really worried about AWA score. 'implications ha, I just forgot about part somehow, will surely use next time as it helps to increase the words count too, which i clearly struggle to attain. After all, i too rely on argument analysis to get me through this painful essay writing hurdle, let's hope it it works out. Thanks again! best of luck for you test too.