Al2ola

Hi! I really like the first example and I feel it really supports your position. I would recommend that you work on increasing the length of your response; without sacrificing quality. GRE testers actually found out that the highest scorers in the AWA section all had essays between 500-700 words. So Work on that. Especially in your concluding paragraph where you qualify your argument, you left me wanting more. Perhaps next time give an example on that too. All the

Hi there! I did the same essay, check out mine: (also have alot of spelling errors) The greatest civliatsions in history from the Romans to the Egyptians prospored only its people were able to question their leaders. And these very civilations came down when democracy ceased to exist. I belive that the well being of a society is greatly enhanced by the right to question authority. To begin with, being able to question authority allows people to critique inadequate officials and elect more qualified ones if neccassary. Without the ability to question the actions of their leaders, societies cannot overthrow malevolent rulers. In the middle east, many societies lived under dictatorial rule and were stripped of their right to speak about their presdents except in approbatory way. This saw the economic stagnation of these countries and the general deteoriation of the well being of its people. Only when these unhappy civilans overthrow their Egptian, Tunisian and Libyan rulers did society witness promising signs of growth. Furthermore, the ability to question rulers increases transparency and accountaiablity. The fifity some African countries have been plagued by corrupt governments, that were the result of venial officials. Only when some countries like South Africa and Bostwana granted rights to its people to question authority did these states prosper. For example in Bostwana each minister is required to present a report every 5 years on the outcomes of his/her proposed plan for their respective ministry. A major deterrent to corruption is when a leaders face questioning from the public. Additionally, immigration decreases when societies are able to openly critique their governments. Often, the educated elite of societies leave oppression in search of a better live elsewhere and thereby serve other countries. However, when this class (and all of society) have the right to voice negative opinions of new rules, regulations or any actions they tend to be happier in their countries and contribute to the prosperity of their societies. For example many people have fleed North Korea. There are many talented north Koreans around the world that have contributed to westrend societies. Perhaps if happy with their governemnts, these persons could have increase the well being of their native land. My arguemnts however is qualified by who can actually question authority. It is better to unify the voice of people through organisations, avocay groups and the like. For example in the Egyptian, drunk on their ‘arab spring high” questioned and overthrew all leaders that came after Husseini Mubarak, leaving the countr in a state of complete chaos. It is therefore my recommendation to consider that this right be granted with great care. To flourish is not to fear. At any point in history, prosperous societies existed only when democracy did. People who can question authority can elect suitable officials, lower rates of corruption and contribute to their societies by servicing their countries and no migrating. I strongly put forward this argument. (470 words)

Hi Triscia! I've attempted the essay too (before reading your response of course), so we can compare: No doubt, a state of the art on-campus accommodation is a great enhancement to any educational institution. The director of student housing at Buckingham College is at no fault what so ever in his efforts to persuade management to invest in building new dormitories. What strongly undermines his/her argument however, is the absence of key supporting data and statistics. The author argues that the student body is growing and based on current trends will double in 50 years time. There are many missing key pieces of evidence that are needed to assess the validity of this argument. First, what are the sources that the author used? Which organization produced these conclusions? Are they valid? What are the ‘current trends’? The author fails to cite the variables employed in this research and does not adequately address the validity of his/her sources. Second, even if the statistics are valid and the student body will double in 50 years time. Without knowledge of the current number of the student body, we cannot justify building new dorms. Is Buckingham College a small liberal arts college with a student body of 500 or a larger one with a body of 10,000 students? Doubling here could mean an increase of 500 or 10,000; which is a huge difference. We need to think more in terms of the number of students expected to increase rather than in relative terms, i.e: double, triple.. Furthermore, the author posits the fact that the average rent has risen in the town where the college is located. If this statement is indeed true, we are not privy to extent of this increase. Without knowing the amount of increment in the rent, we cannot conclusively argue that student will not be able to afford the off campus accommodation. In addition, the increase in rent may have been the result of the preeminent economic environment in the town given inflation or the increase in cost of goods and income alike. Lastly, we are persuaded that new dorms would be a factor in attracting new students to the college. Yet, we have no survey that indicates this would be true. A study needs to be conducted where factors affecting attractiveness of colleges to prospective students needs to be identified and prioritized. Building the dorms may not be worth the while because it might play an insignificant or even negligible role. As the college is an educational institution primarily, investments should be made to improve its educational standing. Building new research facilities and labs will be far wiser than building new dorms. New dorms at Buckingham College will indeed be a great addition to the campus. Intuitively, one knows that an educational institution‘s reputation is not only limited to its academic ranking but also encompasses numerous other factors such as its on campus facilities. However, without the support of key statistics and data the director of student housing at Buckingham College was unable to put forth a strong argument for building new dorms. My feedback, i think your essay is fantastic btw! I would have wished it to be a tad longer with alot more of 'attack' on the author's arguments too. Your vocab is superb.

Triscia, Thanks sooo much for your feedback. I will work on my intros and try to improve my quality of writing, for sure and thanks for the generous score :D

Thanks for your comments, I will try to avoid my mistakes next time!! Also just for this statement: "Emotions drive behaviour such as falling in love, choosing an appropriate career path, making lifelong friendships. When making decisions, however, they can cloud judgments and and lead to poor decisions." Falling in love and making friendships are also decisions! So be careful about specifying your argument. Like say when making personal decisions and pretty important ones, emotions drive that but when you are president of the states.. logic is more important. Like try to qualify your argument within a context. Don't leave like that. Also, i think that answering the prompt plays an important part. The question says "consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true". So I think that in each and every paragraph the words should be phrased that way or that at least the statements kind of answer the question. Thats what goes on my mind when i'm writing an essay :) I also give you a solid 4.0 !

Hi all! I'm taking the GRE on 18 Sep and the TOEFL on 30 Aug. I need someone that is similar to me in my level of hardwork and quest for the perfect scores. Particularly, if we can exchange tips and share essays that respond to the same prompt. Nice to meet you all! Al2ola

oh! and please evaluate my essay too :)

Hi there, I've attempted the essay topic myself and its not perfect as I tried to adhere to the time frame as best as possible. You can find my essay below: People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are not necessarily poor decision makers. Their approach is not a sure way to avoid bad decisions however it can lead to some truly great decisions. The interplay between logic and emotions is far more complex and grey than some might perceive it. When assessing what decision making process is best, we must look at the type of decision itself. Some decisions require us to be logical while others emotional. For example when deciding the annual budget of a company, the finance manager will base his new budget decisions on data and facts- i.e logic. However, when a woman is making a decision of whether to move away for a better job or stay with her aging parents, her emotions play a central role. She might feel happier fulfilling her duties as a daughter and will decide to forgo the job opportunity. Interestingly, some decisions require interplay of both logic and emotions. For example, a couple buying a home may pay close attention to their budget and distance of home from where they work as well as how the house ‘feels’. As illustrated, one cannot conclusively state that those who make decisions emotionally then justify them with logic afterwards are poor decision makers. The use of logic and emotions is a wide spectrum with many types of decisions spread across it. Furthermore, even when one is presented with a decision that requires more of logic, say the financial manager above, one can still make great decisions soley based on emotions. The emotion we are talking about here is the ‘gut feeling’ or ‘instinct’. Humans and animals alike are born with an innate ability to discern bad from good decisions without ever having a logical explanation or justification for it. This ‘gut feeling’ is what made chefs create great dishes and what drove the giants of the Silicon valley to quit their ivy-league education and sell computers. So our financial manager above may argue to increase the budget of the R&D department despite losses because he has a gut feeling that the company will produce a revolutionary product the coming year. Lastly, if one does base his or her decisions on emotions first then justifies them with logic, then that decision is rendered sound. These very people who are able to support their feelings with logic may very well be the best decision makers of all time. It is also important to explore the concept that having a good feeling about something might be good enough ‘logic’ in itself. Some people may find it very illogical to live their lives while not feeling happy about the decisions they make. If we look at some of the best decisions ever made in history whether in military combat, science or business we find that emotions ever-so-play a central role. Both emotions and logic are important, if one defines logic as a discrete entity away from emotions. To conclude, Leonardo Da Vinci was not only hailed as one of the greatest artists of his time but also one of the most talented and prolific engineers as well. Similarly, Oprah while a great philanthropist is also one of the most powerful businesswomen. Great people often use both logic and emotions, and perhaps a little more of the latter to build great business, awe-inspiring buildings and works of art- the direct result of a string of great decisions. My evaluation of your essay: + good structure + great that you defined what is logic and what is emotions to you in the 3rd paragraph. I failed to do that and remembered it only in the end of the essay - use of 'big words' that just look out of place, sometimes it shows that you are using words you've learned from the flashcards to show off. like indolent, which is used before describing things not people normally. - grammar issues like "emotions are exist" should be "emotions exist" - you did not address the other point view. This is a great tip i've learned when writing an argumentative essay, is that you refute any arguments that would naturally arise in your readers mind. Like save a paragraph to discuss why someone would argue emotions are more important than logic and break them down.