tans Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 The author contends that society’s external rewards are no measure for true success, but actually the success is the attainment of one’s goals set by him. I can not concede with the author wholeheartedly. If anyone wants to be successful in life, it is obligatory for him or her to set a clear cut goal in life. Without setting a goal, the condition of an individual is no better than a skiff in a large ocean. Social rewards will come to the successful person, and in my view, most of the times it is having a complementary effect on him or her. First of all, what are the external rewards from the society? These may be the prizes, titles, or complementary words from persons whom we respect and honour. Rewards come to a person after being successful in her own field. Our history is replete with paradigmatic examples where these honors have made some individuals renowned and as idols for their progenies. Let me take the example of Mother Teresa who got the nobel peace prize. Her name will be written in golden letters in the pages of history. Obviously she attained the goal of her life, and future generation will follow her vestige. Nobel laureate Amartya Sen got the highest accolade in his life that is the Nobel Prize. It is the complement for his work in the field of economics. These people has attained the ultimate goal of their lives and prizes have helped them to gain respect and honor of the society. There are many artists, or scientists who are devoting their lives for their creations or in laboratories for research work. May be they are not getting the required fame or not being greeted by whole society due to lack of media attention. But they can get the proper impetus to work further if they get proper praise from their fellow workers and near and dear ones. A child becomes more and more interested to devote himself or herself to learn how to draw a better picture if their early attempts are not disparaged by their parents. So, rewards and complementary remarks have lots to do with success of an individual. But it should be confirmed that no personal interest or nepotism come in picture while honouring a person with the reward. This will prove to be harmful for society. In the similar manner an officer or higher officer will have to be careful while praising a subordinate though he or she deserves it, because excessive praise may instigate resentment of other fellow workers to that person. So, in conclusion, I can say, that rewards play a major role in the life of a successful person besides fulfilling goals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cooldude001 Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Great job, Tans! For a first attempt, this essay is surely exemplary. Especially the examples you take and the pictures you paint are very vivid and relevant. Way to go, baby![clap] I only wish I could think up of examples like that ...;) However, the sentence construction at some places could have been improved. Also, I felt the ending a bit off-colour. As such, I would rate this esay a 4.5. (Great scope for improvement, eh? ;)) Here are my comments. Hope this helps. I can not concede with the author wholeheartedly (Check construction .. maybe "agree with?" You do not concede with somebody, you concede somebody's point ). If anyone wants to be successful in life, it is obligatory for him or her to set a clear cut goal in life. Without setting a goal, the condition of an individual is no better than a skiff in a large ocean (Great example!! :tup:) ...Our history is replete with paradigmatic examples where these honors have made some individuals renowned and as idols for their progenies ( progenies? usually that means immediate descendants, or offsprings. followers maybe better). Let me take the example of Mother Teresa who got the nobel peace prize. Her name will be written in golden letters in the pages of history. Obviously she attained the goal of her life, and future generation will follow her vestige. Nobel laureate Amartya Sen got the highest accolade in his life that is the Nobel Prize. It is the complement for his work in the field of economics. These people has (have) attained the ultimate goal of their lives and prizes have helped them to gain respect and honor of the society. .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tans Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 hey cooldude thank u. i could not manage time upto the end. now i m getting some strength in mind about essays. thanx again, i m also ready to check ur essays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rashmi Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Hi tans, as u already know, I'm myself a novice in this field,but i would lke to give some suggestions which you may find useful. Please don't get me wrong, but from my point of view, I think that u seem to have taken the essay in the direction it wasn'y meant to be. see we need to write on the claim about whether external rewards really do measure success. You have on the contrary pointed out how rewards are necessary to pinpoint the successes of persons.(i.e the advantages of rewards) Secondly you seem to have focused on the first part of the claim ,namely rewards vs. success. In discussing your essay , you seem to have completely forgone the part of success vs. goal attainment. I would suggest that you only use those high frequency words in your essays whose meanings fit the context or whose meanings you know for sure. The word"vestige" in Mother Teresa example seems out of place here. May be I am going a bit over board in commenting on your essay,but isn't that the goal here-to learn about all our mistakes so that we can work on them. also I told you already that for your first some essays,try to think keeping the time restrictions out of the picture. this will help in raising your morale. Thats all, I would apppreciate if you could comment on my essay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r2kins Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 hi tans overall... a good essay i have the foll suggessions: 1: explain the connection between the examples and the subject a little bit more--here i am reffering to the Amaryata sen ex. --he may be known to us Indians very well...but not so to others...so may not make so much sense to someone else!!(the ETS pple) 2:your conclusion should be more like a summary of what u have just said..so make it more comprehensive Rest is ok I HAVE ONE REQUEST....COULD U PLEASE REVIEW MY ESSAY "The best ideas arise from passionate interest in commonplace things"...I HAVE JUST POSTED IT.....UR COMMENTS AND SUGESSIONS R HIGHLY WELCOME...I HAVE MY GRE ON 27 SEP SO KINDLY BE FAST.!!!! regards kinshuk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tans Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 hi rashmi, kinshuk, thanxx for ur advice, i m really happy that u pinpointed my mistakes, i cant remember any example from outside india, that's my fault Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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