Please help! Just wrote a practice essay and could use feedback! GRE this Saturday!

[bcfarmer6]

Prompt: Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

 

Due to the progession of technology, many people fall victim to paying any the price to keep up with this machinery. This price is not just in the form of dollar bills, but also in time spent with loved ones. People think they know what technology costs up front, but are blind to the underlying costs that creep in after the purchase.

One issue with technology is the boom of social media apps. This causes people to become distracted with their phones when they should be present with the people they are currently sharing experiences. Sons and daughters sitting around the dinner table with parents may not share a word with one another because they are too focused on the drama unfolding on a screen. Students have trouble focusing in school because they cannot look away from their notification of celebrity news. Even while driving many adults refuse to wait until they arrive at their destination before they check a sports update. Relationships become weaker when people do not communicate, and technology is the cause of this lack of communication.

Another drain to people is the fact that these instruments are constantly updating. There are always new features being designed and some folks prioritize having the updates before anyone else. This established a sense of pride and arrogance in those who can afford to keep buying the new equipment every time it is released. Phones, televisions, watches, refridgerators, home security, and many other devices are all constantly growing and changing the way people operate their lives. Communities once so close become at odds with one another in competition over who posseses the greatest technology, and who possesed it first.

However, technology was intended to make our lives easier. A brother moving to Germany to pursue his dreams of being employed by an German orchestra can still keep in touch with his family and friends back in America. A mother having difficulty cooking for a picky child can use Google to find dishes that will please the whole family. Yet, technology takes away from people sharing moments together and causes jealousy and anxiety. While some parts of life are easier with it, the most important aspects of our life are destroyed by it.

Since the creation of the microchip, the cell phone, and the computer, society has been hungry for more. Technology deceives us by wearing the sheepskin of making everyday life easier. The true character of technology is that it separates us from the people we love, while we are least expecting it. There are many costs that people are willing to pay to keep up with technology that result in harm they never knew.

[naveenkumar2208]

I can give you only 3.5/6.

The essay organization is not so good.

you haven't taken a nuanced position.

lacking insightful analysis.

poor grammatical structures.