Can anyone evaluate my essay please? cheers

[Sencer Ahmedov]

Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

 

 

 

Art has been the major critical part of the cultures from the beginning of very primitive societies, and it continued till today. If we look at the very first drawings on the big stones 10 thousand years old, and if we look at the drawings of modern painters we can see that there is very big similarities between these two, which are separated by huge amount of years - to create something beautiful. However, since years has passed number of things are different now than what it was used to be 10 thousands years ago. In today’s capitalist economy, money drives most of the thing and art is also part of this economy. For this reason, it is better that the governments fund the art, so in this money driven world the art would not fade away from our lives.

 

First of all, like I mentioned earlier, in capitalist economy money, creativity and intelligence is the most powerful driving forces. And if we lack one of them we are not going to see any good result in the things we create. Just think about it, in todays advanced technology sky is the limit, and you can create whatever you can imagine. I think this is something amazing to have these kinds of tools. For example, by means of these technology photographers can shoot a photo or record a video of people skiing in big mountains, or producers can produce a music that the tones no one has ever heard before or movie makers can create something amazing that only exists in humans imagination and etc. This kind of technology needs money, and so, if supported by the government the artist can create things that were even unimaginable hundred years ago.

 

Secondly, if government funds the art the more people will consider getting into this field as a future career. Today, compared to engineering or business departments art majors are not getting as much as pay. Since, people can not see good earning in this field they become reluctant to pursue a career in this field. For example, during my undergraduate year in University I knew a lot of people who were really interested in arts but choose to study something different in order to make a good living. By the time they graduated, they only engaged with arts as a hobby. Some were into short filmmaking, some playing guitar, some shooting photos, but none of them were serious about it since they did not see rewarding future in this field. If government supported funding for the arts, more people would be driven to this field, and this will only produce more beautiful art.

 

Of course, some may argue that art should not be money driven or something based on money, it can hurt the integrity of art. They might be right to some extent but let’s do not forget that funding the art does not necessarily mean creating art based on money, or corrupting art with money. We can think of it as a means that facilitates the process of making art. Thus, funding the art will not only make it more beautiful and popular, but it will also make it a lot easier to be created if the funding used wisely and appropriately.

 

In conclusion, despite the fact that funding the art by government is a little bit threat to the integrity of art, I think the art should be supported by the funds of government in today’s world because, if used wisely, funds will only contribute to arts by making it more attractive and dynamic. As I mentioned before, world change and things also change, may be a hundred year ago it would be inappropriate to fund the art by government, but today it is not definitely the same case, and who knows what future holds. It is not certain how the means of creating art will change, however, what is certain the art will be with us even hundred years from now.

 

665 Words

Edited August 14, 2014 by Sencer Ahmedov

[triscia]

Hi Sencer! I'm not sure but I think your language should be a bit more academic than that. I feel like you are using too many idiomatic expressions and informal structures, which may work perfectly for TOEFL, but is not really the GRE level. Also, you should perhaps consider focusing more on the quality rather than the quantity: again, it is not an assessment of your English, they are interested in your reasoning, which is amateurish in my opinion. Also, check your grammar a bit...

Hope this helped! :)