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Thread: #024: A person you know is planning to move to

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    If you read my essay, please let me know your thinking about my essay. Next month I will take my TOEFL test. Thanks very much.

    [/quote]#24: A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

    My home city is Hanoi- the capital of Vietnam, a small country in Asia. It is always a peaceful and beautiful city in my mind. When a person I know is planning to move to my city, I think he will like your life environment with old streets, old buildings and so on, however, he will dislike my city's transportation system.

    He will feel uncomfortable with crowded public transportation in city. My city is a developing city, it has many problems can not solve immediately such as broadening roads in city, small width of some major roads often leads to traffic in rush hours. It makes everyone, especially, people who come from large cities in other places feel annoy or inconvenient. But in fact, traffic jam is common problem of all of countries and cities in the world, not only my favorite cities.

    Albeit we have some problems in transportation, I think my friend still likes this city because of its follow advantages. First, he will like our old streets with old buildings from time Vietnam was one of French's colonies. He will like walking slowly in some quiet small roads under burgeoning trees planted along park fences. The streets with trees along the side of roads are one of our special things differ it from other cities. Second, we Hanoi are spirited, polite and honesty people. We are willing to help others when they need our help. For example, when a tourist ask to show street he/she want to go, we will very happy to stop our work to help them. I think my friend can not unlike them. After a time he will feel happy living in our society.

    For all reasons above I hope my friend would love my city. Like all other cities, it maybe has some problem but with me Ha Noi is always in my mind if I have to go far from it.



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    TOEFL Essay Guru Vaya's Avatar
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    Haloha!

    First thing I have to tell you is that you should use if sentences and 'would', because all this essay is one big imaginary situation. For example, if a person I know was planning to move to my city, I think he/she would like your living environment...

    Secondly, why do you say that your friend is only 'he'? Don't you have female friends? I liked then you said about a tourist he/she. The same story should be about your unknown friend.

    Third, you did some grammar mistakes, such as ...a tourist asks to show a street he/she wants to...

    Fourth, this topic is perfect if you want to show how wonderful your English is. You could have used more adjectives. The part about enviroment and honest people could be very fluent, flowing and enjoyable. You could have been more descibtive, for example 'he will like our old streets with old buildings' -> he would fall in love with our old, narrow and winding* streets and marvelously decorated buildings.
    * - you see I don't even know what streets you have. I wrote about Vilnius's (my city) oldtown.

    I believe that flowing sentences can even cover some grammar mistakes and lift up your score.

    If you ask me I would give you 5.0-4.5 But I can be wrong, because am not a teacher.

    HTH! Renata

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    Thanks Vaya for your conscientious advice. I know my essays have many errors in grammar, organization and so on. I will try my best to repair them. And your English is so good and beautiful!
    Thanks again.
    P/S: Please give me your advice when you read my essays.

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    Hi all,

    Before reading this, you all should know that not all of my comments and corrections are 100% good and correct, cuz I'm a student, too. I just wanna show my own grammar that I've learned, and certainly it's not perfect.

    Only my thoughts...

    Originally posted by tombraider

    If you read my essay, please let me know your thinking about my essay. Next month I will take my TOEFL test. Thanks very much.

    #24: A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
    My home city is Hanoi- the capital of Vietnam, a small country in Asia. It is always a peaceful and beautiful city in my mind. When a person I know is planning to move to my city, I think he will would like our life environment with old streets, old buildings and so on, however, he will dislike my city's transportation system (I think it should be 'problems').

    He will would feel uncomfortable with crowded public transportation in the city. My city is a developing city, it has many problems that can not solve be solved immediately such as broadening roads in the city, (or) the small width of some major roads that often leads to traffic jams (you mean this, don't ya?) in rush hours. It makes everyone, especially people who come from large cities in other places, feel annoyed or inconvenient. But in fact, traffic jams is are a common problem of all of countries and cities in the world, not only my favorite cities city.

    Albeit we have some problems in transportation, I think my friend would still like likes this city because of its following advantages. First, he will would like our old streets with old buildings from the time Vietnam was one of French's colonies. He will would like walking slowly in on some quiet small roads under burgeoning trees planted along park fences. The streets with trees along the sides of roads are one of our special things differing it from other cities. Second, we Hanoians are spirited, polite and honesty people. We are willing to help others when they need (our help). For example, when a tourist asks us to show him/her the street he/she wants to go to, we will be very happy to stop our work to help them him/her. I think my friend can not unlike them (who's 'them', then?). After a time he will feel happy living in our society.

    For all reasons above I hope my friend would love my city. Like all other cities, it maybe has some problem but with to me Ha Noi is always in my mind if I have to go far from it.


    Well-done, tomb ! We're both Hanoians so we both love our city very much . I really like your ideas and examples but there're still some unneccessery sentences or clauses.
    IMO you shouldn't emphasize that you love Hanoi, cuz that doesn't fit in the essay.

    You're making extra efforts, aren't ya? I really appreciate the pains you take. Keep on moving, great pal! And surely your essay will be less colorful with time !

    verhor

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    [quote]Originally posted by tombraider

    If you read my essay, please let me know your thinking about my essay. Next month I will take my TOEFL test. Thanks very much.

    I live in a big city and this sometimes has advantages and disadvantages, as well. I will further present several of the interesting sites and activities to go to in my hometown, and the disadvantages of living in it.

    Firstly, my town has a prolific cultural activity. This is certainly a good starting point, for everyone who takes interest in this kind of activity, to consider moving in. For example, in my town each month takes place a popular art festival that brings people engaged in this kind of work, from the entire country, and they perform spectacles and present ceramic exhibition and so on. Also, every six months there is an international comedy theatre festival that attracts popular actors from all around the world.

    In addition, my town has big and wonderful parks where people can enjoy themselves in weekends and relax after a long week of hard work, and also a beautiful Danube beach, famous in the entire Europe, where every week are held fine musical shows.

    Despite all of this, as any other big town, my city has his own disadvantages like pollution, constant traffic jams at top hours, a high crime rate and so on. A huge steel factory named “Sidex” the second in size, in Europe sustains the economy of my hometown. Although it has a strategically economic purpose, this factory unfortunately releases several polluting factors in the atmosphere like fumes, ammonia, carbohydrates and several other ones. This is not a good thing for the health of the people.

    In consequence, my town has a prolific cultural activity and beautiful scenery, but it also has a high polluting rate, it is noisy and overcrowded. These are several factors that anyone who wants to move in my hometown should consider before making the final decision.

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    Within my grasp! An Min's Avatar
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    If you read my essay, please let me know your thinking about my essay. Next month I will take my TOEFL test. Thanks very much.
    We all know you are excellent in writing, so, don't worry about your score in the essay part. Try your best in all sections of your TOEFL test, and good luck!!
    Despite all of this, as any other big town, my city has his own disadvantages like pollution, constant traffic jams at top hours ==> the rush hours, a high crime rate and so on.

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    Originally posted by An Min


    If you read my essay, please let me know your thinking about my essay. Next month I will take my TOEFL test. Thanks very much.
    We all know you are excellent in writing, so, don't worry about your score in the essay part. Try your best in all sections of your TOEFL test, and good luck!!
    Despite all of this, as any other big town, my city has his own disadvantages like pollution, constant traffic jams at top hours ==> the rush hours, a high crime rate and so on.

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    Originally posted by An Min


    If you read my essay, please let me know your thinking about my essay. Next month I will take my TOEFL test. Thanks very much.
    We all know you are excellent in writing, so, don't worry about your score in the essay part. Try your best in all sections of your TOEFL test, and good luck!!
    Despite all of this, as any other big town, my city has his own disadvantages like pollution, constant traffic jams at top hours ==> the rush hours, a high crime rate and so on.
    Thank you very much An Min! I am not so sure as you are so I will keep posting...

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    I tried to write this essay keeping the correction in mind, which was done in my pervious essays. But I couldn’t help with negative statement at the end of paragraph.

    Can u please correct this essay? I have toefl on aug 7th.

    #24: A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

    I live in most populous metropolitan city, Toronto in Canada. It is the country's financial and commercial center. Toronto is multicultural city and it is famous for festivals and concerts. It has good transport facilities and big Malls. Even though, it is a big city, a person as his own likes and dislikes about living in a
    big city.


    Firstly, Toronto is multicultural city. While diversity is treasured and where the customs from different lands is shared and encouraged. They celebrate many cultural activities such as caribana festival, which has been the traditional highlightsof summer from past 36 years. Greek festival, which has been celebrated since years. There are many concerts, which takes place in summer at downtown such as street festival in which most famous singers sing songs.

    Secondly, Toronto has good transport system. So, people can commute frequently at any time. It has subways and TTC (Toronto transport Co-operation) buses to commute. There are also many high ways to travel in their own vehicles.

    Thirdly, There are big fascinating malls to shop around for clothes, shoes and electronic goods and so on. Where people can shop at the same place. Instead traveling long distance for each item. Or they can just do window-shopping.

    Last but not least, similar to any other big cities. Toronto has it’s own disadvantages such as pollution, traffic jams, and heavy traffic at pick hours.Subways and buses are overcrowded buses at pick hours such as school hours and office hours. Pollution another problem in the city because of gases which are released by vehicles.

    In conclusion, I think the person I know likes to live in Toronto because it is a beautiful city with multicultural activities, festivals and with good transport facilities. Besides, he might not like to live because of the pollution, traffic and noise.

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    Please feel free to comment my essay.

    Topic #24:

    A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

    People sometimes talk about the advantages and the disadvantages their hometown. While people who live in my city have different opinions about this issue, I have the opinion that public transportation is the first for him or her to like and its large density of population is the first thing which he or she dislike.

    On the one hand, of many good things which my city have, a public transportation is worth mentioning the first. My city, seoul, has a variety of public transportation, which is organized very well and extended every area of seoul. In addition to this, seoul is famous for a low transportation fare. To show this, a person who lives in seoul is not almost necessary to have a private car because they can exploit the public transportation to anywhere at a very low cost whenever they want.

    On the other hand, seoul has large density of population. People who visit seoul realize immediately the fact that streets in seoul have a lot of people and cars. A statistics has shown that seoul has a the third dense city in the world. Consequently, a large density of population produced a lot of other problems which are many cars and bad atmosphere. In this manner, of many bad things which seoul has, I think that the most fundamental problem is the its high density of population.

    In conclusion, my city, seoul, has many things which a person who I know likes and dislikes. Of these many things, if I choose one thing to be considered the first, I would not hesitate to select a convenient public transportation and a large density of population. A public transportation enable people to go to anywhere in seoul at a low fare and a large density of population lead my city to produce a lot of additional problems.

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