#001: People attend college or university for

[tombraider]

Hi all friends who will read my essay. I really need your comments. I have many problems in grammar and ideas. Please repair them for me, a new student.

#1: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Today, university is one of the important goals of high school students in my country and maybe in the world. People attend college or university for many different reasons. I myself will go to university next year so I think I could understand what others want to have when they study in colleges and universities. In my opinion, most of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

I think the first reason we attend university or college is career preparation because we students need a professional occupation to create our own life, earn money for life and help the society developing. The major function of university and college are training professionals so university and college are good places can help us reaching our approach. After graduating university/college, we will receive good transcripts, which help us find a good job and indicate that we are professionals in our studying field. In fact, we see that people have good career in university/college have more advantages in applying for a job than others who do not.

Another reason that, university/college gives us much useful knowledge. All of us know that knowledge in the world is large like ocean. We could never have all the knowledge of mankind so studying to update what we feel appropriate is so important. And university/college will give us a part of it in one field. More details, university/college with professors and its high education will teach us how to obtain information fast and sufficiently. We also gain this knowledge out of school but in university/college we will study more systematically and easily.

In conclusion, my opinion is attending university and college gives us good career preparation and increasing our little knowledge. Not all everyone has opinion like me but I think many of them would support my reasons.


I feel my grammar and ideas in this essay is so complex and not clear?. Please show me your remarks.

[vertical_horizon]

Hi all,

Before reading this, you all should know that not all of my comments and corrections are 100% good and correct, cuz I'm a student, too. I just wanna show my own grammar that I've learned, and certainly it's not perfect.

Only my thoughts...

Originally posted by tombraider

Hi all friends who will read my essay. I really need your comments. I have many problems in grammar and ideas. Please repair them for me, a new student.

#1: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Today, getting into university is one of the important goals of high school students in my country and maybe in the world. People attend college or university for many different reasons. I myself will go to university next year so I think I (could) understand what others want to have when they study in colleges and universities. 1.In my opinion, most of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

I think the first reason we attend university or college is career preparation because we students need a professional occupation to create our own life, earn money for life and help the society developing. The major function of university and college are is training professionals ones (I can't think of a better noun ) so university and college are good places that can help us reaching our approach. After graduating a university/college, we will receive good transcripts, which help us find a good job and indicate that we are professionals in our studying field. In fact, we (can) see that people who study have good well career in university/college have more advantages in applying for a job than others who do not.

Another reason is that, attending university/college gives us much useful knowledge. All of us know that knowledge in the world is large like ocean. We could never have all the knowledge of mankind so studying to update what we feel appropriate is so important. And university/college will give us a part of it in one field. More details, university/college with professors and its high education will teach us how to obtain information fast and sufficiently. We also gain this knowledge out of school but in university/college we will study more systematically and easily.

2.In conclusion, my opinion is that attending university and college gives us good career preparation and increasing our little knowledge. Not all everyone has an opinion like me mine but I think many of them would will support my reasons.


I feel my grammar and ideas in this essay is so complex and not clear?. Please show me your remarks.

Hi Tomb,

This one is much better. Your 3rd para contains few mistakes but the conclusion has many.

Some more problems:

+)sentence 1:

1.In my opinion, most of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

-->This means these 2 reasons are most of the reasons-->there're only 3 reasons (2/3=67%='most of' )
Maybe you should change it into:

In my opinion, the most important of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

+)sentence 2:

2.In conclusion, my opinion is that attending university and college gives us good career preparation and increasing our little knowledge

I extremely dislike the word 'little'. No students likes others to criticize them as having little knowledge. You should omit it. It's much safer.

Get all 300!

verhor

[Erin]

TOPIC #001:

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

ESSAY:

In my opinion, people attend educational institutions mainly to gain knowledge and to prepare themselves to secure a career of their choice. They also attend college or universities, so that they can get a chance to interact with other people in the society and thus gain a lot more in terms of experience and understanding of the human nature and society.

For most people, the main objective behind attending a college or university is to gain knowledge. Knowledge can be gained in many ways, but attending an educational institution enusures that a systematic and correct approach is followed and a relevant subset of topics is selected for study from the infinite pool of knowledge sources. While the same subjects as those taught in universities can be studied by refering to books and other sources, there are many inherent added advantages of attending an institution. Firstly, the students have the advantage of being guided by their lecturers and professors as to which sources to follow, and even clarify any doubts that may arise. Listening to the lectures and seminars helps the students to quickly understand a topic and the insights and examples provided by the lecturers may broaden their visions, provide deeper insights into things and may also prompt them to think in a better way about various things.

The facilities avilable in a college are an added advantage to the students. If one tries to study on his own, without attending a college, he may not be able to accesses all the book and other resources he needs. On the other hand, students of a university have access to resources like libraries, laboratories, internet facilities, etc. [ATTN Erin : Is 'etc.' look like a lazy shortcut here too?]. By the division of the entire study topics into various subjects and semesters, the students can follow a systematic approach approach towards improving their knowledge by concentrating on all the relevant subjects equally, studying manageable portions of subjects in a given period of time and consolidating their studies in the semester or annual examinations.

Another main objective of people behind attending educational institutions is to obtain the qualification necessary to secure a career of their choice. For example, people who wish to take up a career in electical engineering may study a corresponding engineering course. One interested in taking up careers in management may enter an MBA course. Inorder to obtain these jobs, people are needed to have certain qualifications which requires them to have undergone formal education in institutions.

Apart from the above, people benefit a lot from attending colleges and universites, in the form of interacion with other people in the society. Humans, afterall, are social beings and need to be a part of a community or group. By interacting with other students and lecturers, they gain a lot of understanding and appreciation of human nature, behaviour, acceptable behaviour and general knowledge. This experience is invaluable for any career they take up in future, because life involves interactions with various kinds of people. And for anybody to be successful in life, they need to know how to efficiently interact with other people.

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Time : 26 minutes
Mode : Typed on the computer.


Raghuveer

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[Erin]

Hehehe... This is the easiest TOEFL topic of them all--people tend to practice this one since it's first, AND TOEFL already tells you three reasons!!

Okay, let's have a look-see.

TOPIC #001:

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

ESSAY:

In my opinion, people attend educational institutions mainly to gain knowledge and to prepare themselves to secure a career of their choice. They also attend college or universities, so that they can get a chance to interact with other people in the society and thus gain a lot more in terms of experience and understanding of the human nature and society.

Great! Simple, clear, effective, and best of all, TRUE.

How about changing

gain a lot more in terms of experience and understanding

to

gain more experience and understanding

For most people, the main objective behind attending a college or university is to gain knowledge. Knowledge can be gained in many ways, but attending an educational institution enusures that a systematic and correct approach is followed and a relevant subset of topics is selected for study from the infinite pool of knowledge sources. While the same subjects as those taught in universities can be studied by refering to books and other sources, there are many inherent added advantages of attending an institution. Firstly, the students have the advantage of being guided by their lecturers and professors as to which sources to follow, and even clarify any doubts that may arise. Listening to the lectures and seminars helps the students to quickly understand a topic and the insights and examples provided by the lecturers may broaden their visions, provide deeper insights into things and may also prompt them to think in a better way about various things.

Uh... What can I say? This essay is GMAT/GRE quality, more than necessary for the TOEFL.

The facilities avilable in a college are an added advantage to the students.

Uh-oh! This sounds to me like an extension of the previous paragraph--college is essentially a convenient and efficient way to acquire important knowledge.

At this point in your essay, you need to be switching to the other points that you mentioned in your intro, otherwise your essay becomes an essay about why college is a convenient and efficient way to acquire important knowledge.

If one tries to study on his own, without attending a college, he may not be able to accesses all the book and other resources he needs. On the other hand, students of a university have access to resources like libraries, laboratories, internet facilities, etc. [ATTN Erin : Is 'etc.' look like a lazy shortcut here too?].

Yes, Raghuveer.

My rule of thumb for when I want to use "etc." is to change it to "such as."

By the division of the entire study topics into various subjects and semesters, the students can follow a systematic approach approach towards improving their knowledge by concentrating on all the relevant subjects equally, studying manageable portions of subjects in a given period of time and consolidating their studies in the semester or annual examinations.

Yes, very nice, BUT you're going too deep into this one point.

Let's see the rest... There's still hope [:
D]...

Another main objective of people behind attending educational institutions is to obtain the qualification necessary to secure a career of their choice.

Remember to stick to the topic: Why people attend college. This idea is very closely related to your previous paragraphs since "obtaining qualifications" is almost the same thing as acquiring knowledge.

For example, people who wish to take up a career in electical engineering may study a corresponding engineering course. One interested in taking up careers in management may enter an MBA course. Inorder to obtain these jobs, people are needed to have certain qualifications which requires them to have undergone formal education in institutions.

Apart from the above, people benefit a lot from attending colleges and universites, in the form of interacion with other people in the society. Humans, afterall, are social beings and need to be a part of a community or group. By interacting with other students and lecturers, they gain a lot of understanding and appreciation of human nature, behaviour, acceptable behaviour and general knowledge. This experience is invaluable for any career they take up in future, because life involves interactions with various kinds of people. And for anybody to be successful in life, they need to know how to efficiently interact with other people.

Yes! You need more paragraphs like this one.

Raghuveer, you should take a look at your intro and then compare it to the rest of your essay. You developed quite heavily the part about attending college to gain knowledge, but you finished the other points with one paragraph, so your essay ends up looking unevenly developed.

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Time : 26 minutes
Mode : Typed on the computer.


Raghuveer

... --- ...

Good punctuation and formatting. That's nice to look at, and makes me as a scorer feel more comfortable and relaxed. I believe TOEFL would score this a 5.0 or a 5.5. Again, the main thing is that this essay is unevenly developed.

[diep]

#001: People attend college or university for many different reasons...

Although different people enter college due to different reasons, in my opinion, those factors can be divided into two groups. First, most people want to expand their own knowledge and experience to prepare for their future. Those students actively opt for a specialization that is suitable for and admired by them, and they afterwards try their most to obtain the best results while studying. Second, some people attend university compulsorily to the liking of their parents or another person. Their half-hearted attitude in studying at college means a waste of their own time, as well as a lavishment of their parents’ money.
At college, students are well informed with professional knowledge in a variety of academic fields, which brings them a solid background required for their future career. Experienced teachers help them gain commands of new concepts and skills of problem solving. It is undoubtful that those qualifications and skills are likely to be useful for their work after graduation.
Furthermore, attending university makes it possible for students to become familiar with an independent life from their family. They have to arrange their timetable themselves and do their homework self-consciously. Remembering the early days of my student life, I felt so green that I was confused again and again between theoretical and practical hours. The habit of planning a weekly timetable and then strictly following it, which I set up afterwards, has been maintained, and therefore, I am able to easily arrange my busy work today.
Finally, students at college are surrounded by a circle of schoolmates who might become their good friends not only in college-studying years but also in future. Furthermore, cooperating with the others who are quite strange, a student learns the way to deal with the community. This experience will help him cross the threshold of his own life. I, for example, have still gotten a close hold with a range of my classmates for years after graduation. We frequently exchange our experiences about the work, as well as the life in order to help each other overcome many hardships we have to face in our life.
In all, it is obvious that attending college brings students a great deal of useful knowledge and skills for their career and life in future. Hence, even though they go to college because of either their own aspiration or the other person’s wishes, they should do their best to obtain the highest results.


Hi all This essay took me a lot of time[xx(] Pls help me revise it. Thanks a lot.

[karthik3393]

Hi Erin........

I am jst pasting ths essay that i wrote Its the first one I attempted & I did time it. It would help a lot if all o uall bovine mastication chk it up & .... give me pointers on how i bovine mastication improve ....

************************************************** ****

People attend college or university for many different reasons. The main reason ofcourse is to gain more knowledge but they also gain valuable life experience and make new friends and contacts.

Man has always been hungry to learn more and know more about things that he does not know. This very trait of his has enabled him to progress from stone age to today's hi-fi technological age. Colleges are the best method to gain this knowledge in any field of your liking.

The main reason for going to college and getting a higher degree is that it allows us to focus our interest, thereby allowing us to specialize and excell in a field of our liking. It gives us a launch pad to propel ourselves in the market. We are better equipped to handle all the various aspects of one's job.

One more reason that many people go to colleges, is just to increase their knowledge in a particular field. Many come back to colleges to know more on a subject of their liking, for example - arts, language, math, etc.

By going to college, we also get the chance to meet new people, be they students or teachers or collegues. This helps us to develop our people skills, which would be a plus point all through our life. Often when we are in college, we have to do a part-time job. This too, gives us the much needed job experience and would help while looking out for a job later. Again this is a way to improve our personal skills.

All in all, colleges not only increase our knowledge and skills, but also help in making us better citizens of this world.

[Aladdin]

hi to all. Here is my essay. Any comments? 10ks.
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Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

[nu_nam2001]

welcome to TMweb.[heartbeat]

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

For one thing, (I do not sure if the words "for one thing and for another thing" are formally used but I have never seen them before. Is it better to use such simple words as first, moreover, etc..) people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

(Actually, in my personal opinion, I do not agree with your idea. Do you mean only people who want to be a teacher would go to school? How about others who what to do other jobs? Do not they need to study in universities?)


For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.
(Again, I also do not agree with what your 2nd paragraph said.)

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.
(This paragraph is okey.)

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.
(Your conclusion is also good.)[|)]

Your gramatical structure is good.
what I wrote is only my personal idea. I am probably not correct.

[kalaga]

Originally posted by Aladdin

hi to all. Here is my essay. Any comments? 10ks.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

Aladdin, these are my comments.

First: The essay topic has a question in it, did you notice ?
Second: The very first sentence has some of the answers to the question.

These are the areas to improve:

1. you essay seems to be a "collection" of your opinions, on why people attend educational institutions. For example,

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn (1)what to do,(2) how to do and (3)how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, (1)I would go to university, (2)learn what to teach, (3)what the teaching methods are and (4)what is important to get a job as a teacher.

Again,

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They (1)study languages, (2)get knowledge on their hobbies, (3)develop their aptitudes and (4)improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

You started your first paragraph like:

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

So I expect you to discuss three major points, right?
But I find that , you started your second paragraph like this:

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

and you third paragraph like this:

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

These two phrases are used when you have two points to discuss.
"This is one , and that is another ".But I found one more paragraph.

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

you DID present three reasons, but then the phrases "For one ...For another" , don't offer you the flexibility to introduce a third, or may be a fourth point.

Take a look at the closing sentence.

In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

Can your closing sentence be an answer to this question(in red)?

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

While writing an essay, the problems usually encountered is either the author finds himself indulging in highly verbose style (using too many words than is required) or highly compact style (using too few words than is required)

By being more verbose and creative in forming sentences, your essay will be really good, because you have identified various reasons (which is half the problem solved), apart from those given in the question itself.

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. (I guess you repeated the reasons here)In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

All you have to do now is to join these points in a beautiful sentence, and also, maintain the structure and flow of the essay.Explore the various possibilities of constructing a sentence.Let the sentences be long.

STUDY the stucture of the essay: how it starts?...how it ends?Don't jumble the points incoherently.

para1 : what should it be ? ( did you notice the question ?)
para2 ...para 3 ... and so on.

Essay is not about how many points you can squeeze out, but how you present them, after you have squeezed them out.(And yes, maintaining good grammer and punctuation is equally important.)

Aladin, why don't you try this essay again.!!!

[Aladdin]

Hi to all,

Thank nu nam 2001

>(I do not sure if the words "for one thing and for another thing" are formally used but I have never seen them before. Is it better to use such simple words as first, moreover, etc..)
I just tried to use something new.

>(Actually, in my personal opinion, I do not agree with your idea. Do you mean only people who want to be a teacher would go to school? How about others who what to do other jobs? Do not they need to study in universities?)

Of course, they do! That was the point. It was just an example. I could have used another one. Apparently, you do not like teachers, do you? What about police officer?

>(Again, I also do not agree with what your 2nd paragraph said.)

You can agree or dissagree, but you cannot say it is a lie. Maybe you know the actual reasons? Can you tell me, please?

>(This paragraph is okey.)
(Your conclusion is also good.)
Your gramatical structure is good

Appreciate this.

>what I wrote is only my personal idea. I am probably not correct.

Of course, it is!! I asked for comments, I thank you for your time.