xaero Posted October 26, 2002 Share Posted October 26, 2002 Comment away... "A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice." Gifts and presents to a child are generally intended to aid the child in its daily life and activities. The giver of the presents expects the child to use the gift well and remember him or her, thus gratifying the giver. Personally, I would prefer gifting an animal as a pet to a child, although such a present would be quite unconventional, citing the usual system of presentations such as exotic gadgets and playthings. Consequently, such the child is intrigued by the new gesture on the part of the giver and hence acknowledges the gift. The most imperative result of endowing the child with the responsibility of an animal is that the child learns the humane traits of unconditional love, peace, care for animals and selflessness in a pragmatic way. Such ideals are incomparable to those that the child procures in its human interaction. The child not only gets a new playmate, but also becomes a 'mother' or a 'father' to a living being. Thus, the child learns practically that offhandedness and negligence in its responsibilities would just not do. Such an act would be a small step in shaping the child's future as an enterprising social being. Certain electronic goods such as powerful remote controlled airfighter or a fancy sport item, as in case of an expensive soccer ball, would no wonder mesmerize the child on its special occasion and bring ineffable joy. But as time passes, the child grows older and concurrently the child's habits and activities may change. In such instances, the child may lose interest in its once cherished possession. Worse, in case the gadget gets spoilt or broken, the child would probably discard it, supposing that a newer, better item would follow soon. These circumstances do not figure in case of a pet, since the animal grows along with the child and the bond only grows stronger with age. A present, especially to a child must always be premeditated in such a manner as to influence the child not only in its physical, but also in its psychological and social developmental process. The innocence and vulnerability of a child should rightly be exploited in shaping its life and future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted November 1, 2002 Share Posted November 1, 2002 Score: 5.0/6.0 xaero, Whew! I can tell that you've been studying for the GRE! This essay is full of "two dollar words." Your ideas are great, but this essay gets bogged down in sentences that are unnecessarily wordy and complex, and some of them are actually ambiguous, or worse, incorrect. Please see my comments below. TOEFL might give you a 5.5 on this essay, but I'm going to score it a little lower, just to be safe. My best advice to you right now is to keep it simple. :) Commments gifting Although this is a word used sometimes in spoken English, or as a joke, it's not really acceptable in writing. citing the usual system of presentations such as exotic gadgets and playthings This is a bit wordy. such the child is intrigued by the new gesture on the part of the giver and hence acknowledges the gift. I'm not sure I can understand this sentence. most imperative Redundant. Such ideals are incomparable to those that the child procures in its human interaction. Big words, but again, hard to understand. premeditated in such a manner as to influence the child Because of the location of the modifier ("in such a manner...), and because of the meaning of "manner," this modifier explains how to premeditate, not the result hoped for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tho Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 "A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice." Hi! It's my essay. We have a wide range of gift to give to children, a camera, a soccer ball, an animal and so on. All of them can contribute to the development to a child's development. However, in my opinion, a soccer ball is the most suitable one. Nowdays, in my country, Vietnam, with the development of the economy, people are getting a higher living standard and they tend to give their children the best they can. In most families, parents feed their children many kinds of food that are full of nutritions. As a result, many of them are overweigh and get some diseases. This problem can be solved easily if we give children a soccer ball and encourage them to play everyday. I am sure that after a short time, their health will be much better. Morever, children now are forced to study a lot because their parents always want them to be the best. I would like to take an example of my nephew. He has many subjects to learn: mathematics, English, piano and so on. His time table is full everyday he always looks stressful. I bought him a ball and take him to a soccer field on every weekends where he can play with other children. After two months, he looks much better and sociable. Furthermore, when playing soccer, children can learn to take responsibilities because they are in a team. If one of them play badly, they can not get good result. This gradually builds children's chacrater, and it is very good for them in the future. All in all, with the above advantages, a soccer ball is the best gift for children. It not only helps their health better physically but mentally also. Your comments and suggestions, please!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaya Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 Hi Tho! I think I am loosing my skills: I can't find anything to critisize! :D There are some minor grammar mistakes, but everything else is simply fine. If it took 30' to write this essay - congrats, you are almost ready :). I also searched for your essays and find out that this is your 7th essay. The latest ones are really nice and worth at least 5.0... Best wishes from Renata Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tho Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 Thanks so much, Renata! You encourage me a lot, I feel much more confident now. Hope to get your help next time.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crossline Posted July 26, 2003 Share Posted July 26, 2003 Topic: A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child?s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice." PLS POINT MY ESSAY :( I prepare to lose 200 for it :( :shy:[|)] Essay Nowaday, the abundance of child toys is the cause that parents concern so much. How to choose a suitable toy to their children's age, how to find a good toy including a good education inside it, and how to develop all skills of child from that gift, are always the hard questions. If I were the parents I would give my child the puzzle board gift. Firstly, puzzle game helps child develop his brain. It's one of the most important functions of child even though he was a baby. In fact, child often likes the color which is decorated very nice in puzzle board. He like it, and will learn to find it out. For example: When the child plays with it, he distinguishes that how many colors have the puzzle, and how to put away all pieces of the puzzle. This process helps child's mind improve so much, and helps the child become more actively. Secondaly, puzzle game is also a non violent game. We have known that there are many kinds of toys that are not suitable to children. Here, puzzle game is difference. It has a highly educating meaning. With it, I definitely believe that child grows up following to a good trend, being far away from violence. As the statistic which I read before said that, the more children do not play violent games, the purer they have in their mind. In summary, With the two reasons I give above, puzzle game is completely a good game for children. This idea also makes comfortable for parents because they understand that their child are playing with a game has high educating content, and it helps their child develop the intelligence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nu_nam2001 Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 crossline..Here is my attempt to correct and comment on your essay... Nowaday, the abundance of child toys is the cause that parents concern so much. How to choose a suitable toy to their children's age, how to find a good toy including a good education inside it, and how to develop all skills of child from that gift, are always the hard questions. If I were the parents I would give my child the puzzle board gift. An introduction part is good. Firstly, A puzzle game helps children develop histheir brain. It's one of the most important functions of children even thoughsince he wasthey are a baby. In fact, child(well, if you need to use a singular form here, I think you should put an aritcle too.) often likes the colors(more than one color, right?)which isare decorated very nice in puzzle board. He likes it, and will learn to find it out. For example: When the child plays with it, he distinguishes that how many colors have the puzzle, and how to put away all pieces of the puzzle. This process helps child's mind improve so much, and helps the child become more actively. Secondaly, A puzzle game is also a non violent game. We have known that there are many kinds of toys that are not suitable tofor children. Here, A puzzle game is differentce. It has a highly educating meaning. With it, I definitely believe that child grows up following to a good trend, being far away from violence. As the statistic which I read before said that, the more children do not play violent games, the purer they have in their mind. In summary, With the two reasons I give above, a puzzle game is completely a good game for children. This idea also makes comfortable for parents because they understand that their children are playing with a game that has high educating content, and it helps their child develop the intelligence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crossline Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 hi nu_nam2001 Thank you so much! With your correction, I feel more confident that maybe my essay written in real test is about 4.0, right ??? :o This is the minimum point for toefl student, and now, I only hope that thing will appear to me. I'm going to take the test in 31st Jul. Hope everything will be ok to me [V] Thanks for your advance!!! [heartbeat] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nu_nam2001 Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 crossline.. With continuous practice, I think you can surely reach your dream. Pls write essays and post them here until your test date comes. I think this way can significantly improve your skill. Good luck in your test.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sighsigh Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 Topic: A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child?s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice." The following is my essay on this topic. Please correct any mistakes u can find in grammar and spelling and words using. Thanks in advance. Today, there are lots of choices for people who want to send gifts to children. These gifts are ranging from toys to pets, any of which can contributes to children's development more or less. But which one is more suitable for children? From the point of my view, the best gifts to a child should have the following features. Firstly, if the gift is easy to be carried by children. Secondly, how much time children will spend on taking care of the gift. Thirdly, if the gift is save to children, especially when children play with them alone. The puzzle broad game has met all of the three requirments for a gift to children, thus I prefer to send it to a child as a gift. Morever, the puzzle game really helpls a lot for the brain's develpment of children. From this game, children can learn how to distinguish the minute difference among colors or shapes and how to put them together according to the oringial painting. The puzzle games are also time-consuming games. Children can build their patience during these games and work hard to reach the final result step by step. In addition, the puzzle games have a variety of levels to fit children of different age scale. When children finish it, we can buy a more difficult one for them and keep them going on this game. In a word, the puzzle game is undoubtly one of the best gifts to children. It not olny can contributes to the children's development but also can be afforded by most families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pilon Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 Greetzzz, SighSigh! paragraph=p p1 can contribute I think more or less is not good at the end of a sentence the standard is "from my point of view". Your construction attracts attention. p2 if=>whether save=>safe them refers to the gift and thus should be singular broad=>board(?) p3 "really" is slang original(typo?) p4 just children of different age. "it" should refer to something or does "it" refer to games? In this case it("it":)) should be plural. "going on with this game" still looks suspicious p5 undoubtedly can contribute but also is affordable for most families Hope this helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sighsigh Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 :)Many thanks to you, Pilon. U do help me a lot. Topic: A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child?s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice." The following is my essay on this topic. Please correct any mistakes u can find in grammar and spelling and words using. Thanks in advance. Today, there are lots of choices for people who want to send gifts to children. These gifts are ranging from toys to pets, any of which can contributes more or less to children's development. But which one is more suitable for children? From my point of view, the best gifts to a child should have the following features. Firstly, if the gift is easy to be carried by children. Secondly, how much time children will spend on taking care of the gift. Thirdly, if the gift is safe to children, especially when children play with it alone. The puzzle broad game has met all of the three requirments for a gift to children, thus I prefer to send it to a child as a gift. Morever, the puzzle game really helpls a lot for the brain's develpment of children. From this game, children can learn how to distinguish the minute difference among colors or shapes and how to put them together according to the oringinal painting. The puzzle games are also time-consuming games. Children can build their patience during these games and work hard to reach the final result step by step. In addition, the puzzle games have a variety of levels to fit children of different age scale. When children finish it, we can buy a more difficult one for them and keep them going on this game. In a word, the puzzle game is undoubtedly one of the best gifts to children. It not olny can contributes to the children's development but also is affordable for most families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wanee Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Hi crossline: I am not sure whether my comment is too late. However, I just want to tell you what I think. I am afraid that the third paragraph is not very convincing since there are so many gifts that are not violent and when we send to kids we try to choose some better gifts to them. Moreover, a puzzle game cannot prevent effectively children from violence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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